Windshield curse

Holy Fuck!  I am cursed.  Third time a rock has hit my windshield and cracked it in a year.

Let's think about those odds.
Of all the people in the DMV, that drive to work about 2 hours a days approximately 192 days a year.  Or 384 hours a year or around 16 solid days of my life per year.....  and I'm the lucky mother fucker that gets a broken windshield..... not once, but THREE times.

Really, can't we just transfer a portion of that craptastic luck over to winning the lottery or something?  I could really do some evi.. "good" with that money and save small animals and orphan shoes.

DC has the worst traffic

It's true.  Perhaps it's not the worst in the nation but its up there.  See..... And some studies have said the DC commute is the worst.

I was driving home today and I swear every student driver and their 80 year old grandmother was out driving.  On top of that, everyone in the DMV decided it would be a great time to hit the road at the same time so there was bumper to bumper traffic on the beltway for a solid ass 40 minutes no joke and there wasn't a broken down car or accident in sight.

I almost flipped the fuck out.  Really.  If I'm sitting in traffic that ain't moving, on a road with no stop light there better be a good ass reason.  I'm talking a circus parade or some shit.  On the bright side, at least it was going home and not going to work.

Snowden, you flaming piece of shit

I hate you and would be willing to stand in line and not sleep for a couple days (like I was waiting for a concert) to have the chance to kick you in the kidneys and see you pee blood.

Especially now that you are in Russia.  Hey, Putin, funny how a few hours ago your PR people were indignant about the US saying that Snowden was there and Russia was denying it.  Because god forbid relations with you guys get any worse (Pot, Kettle black....)

assholes. 

Speaking of, check out the quote from Putin:

Noting the United States and Russia do not have an extradition agreement, Putin said Snowden can't be turned over to U.S. authorities and has committed no crimes on Russian soil.

But he also said Russian security forces have not been "working with" Snowden and expressed hope that the incident would not "affect the cordial nature of our relations with the U.S."

That's a first, I didn't know the relationship with our countries were considered cordial.  I mean the US worked with Russia about a month ago with the Boston bombing.  But Russian authorities aren't willing to extradite Snowden... I wonder if it has anything to do with any secret information he divulged or the fact that our countries are friendemies.  That shit is more blatant than the fake ass wig Amanda Byrnes wears.

Regardless, this situation is bullshit.  This guy is a chuckle head, he's like a big dumbass kid that is starving for attention.  Now he's saying that he fully intended to gather and disclose information from the get go.  He's also communicating with Julian Assange (Wikileaks founder) who is in an Ecuadorian embassy in London to avoid extradition on sexual charges.  Two weaselling assholes chalk full of delusion.  They should share a cell together.  I hope they both die a slow, painful itchy in the underparts death. 

Reality TV Shocker

I don't want to be Capt Obvious... but I can't say people shouldn't be surprised by this.

Yes, you read correctly: Teen Mom (one of the trashy hoes on that craptastic MTV reality show) tries to become a porn star.  One word:



SHOCKER.

Hey girlie girl, maybe you should put aside some of that reality tv money for therapy to deal with your whacked out daddy issues or invest in some saving bonds for your kid instead of being a crackhead.



On other bitchtastic fronts, what is the dealio with Amanda Bynes?  Poor thing, she's s l o w l y
becoming a role model of desperateness.  If  you google her the first top items are:

This chick isn't crying for attention, she's pratically SHOUTING for it.  It's sad, since the beginning of the year she's made a series of crazy unhinged acts after another.

It's a train wreck, but I can't look away.

Maba be KRAZYYY

I'm not gonna lie, I'm kinda embarrassed to say I'm from DC.  I mean, it's no surprise why DC can't get status as a state when they elect jokers like Marion Barry, Vincent Gray and Adrian Fenty.  So many clowns and crooks.  I won't go into specifics but you can google stories of crooked DC politicians.

I will mention that Ex Crackalack Mayor Barry, who is a council member (don't ask me how), recently put his foot in his mouth AGAIN.  This time, he was passing out turkeys (which is noble) but when reporters asked who was paying for the turkeys, this turkey said only "liberal white folks" care about turkey funding.  For realz?  I would think any DC tax payers regardless of political allegiance or race would give a shit about how their tax money is being spent.  What the hell is wrong with this fool?

Commuting with fancy pants

Is it just me or does the DMV area have a shit ton of celebrities and high falooting political types or gazillionaires?

I ask because every time I drive anywhere especially 495 there's always a couple jackwads that act as though they are superior and everyone else is in 'their way'.  Many a times I've been tempted to get out of the car and ask for their autograph because they must be really fucking important to tailgate, zig zag and ride on the shoulder as if it's their personal lane.

by the way, I've also been tempted to create a bumper sticker that say's in kinda smaller writing so you have to be close to see it -

"Let me dash on some lipstick before riding my ass.

Tailgaters SUCK!"

Is is wrong that I wish this on asshole drivers? If they want to commit suicide, have at it, just don't take the rest of us with you. fuckers.

Sticky mess

People are funny.  I'm sure this broad must be HELLA Krazy cause just a mere drawing of a stick figure she sent to someone is threatening.  Hence the extra jail time, bitches! 

Now, take a moment and think about this.  How many times have you seen a stick figure image either drawn by you as a child or by kids, adults or your children?  The last thing I think of is threatening.  In fact my fave stick figures are by Cyanide & Happiness, they are evil and hilarious but not threatening.



Can you imagine the shit she did to get into jail? Makes me shudder to think. 

Take a Midol and call it a day

I've noticed an interesting trend on my blog.  It seems to get especially bitchtastic around the same time of the month. 

coincidence?  I don't think so.

Today's random thought:   Would you kill your child's pimp?  There is a story on CNN about parents in CA that did, and they are being held on $2 million bond.  I know we preach justice and that we shouldn't be 'an eye for an eye'... but I also think there so be some exceptions to the rule.  I mean imagine how much the recidivism and crime rate would go down?

it all makes sense

girl time. I'm all crampy and I wanna slap someone.

who's feeling bitchtastic?

*raises hand

Grrrr BRrrrr

It's craptastic outside.

I want to be at home under the covers with a certain canine. What did I do in a past life to warrant working full time? I think it's quite clear I used to be royalty... now I have to work ALLL the time and live in squalor in a building with crazy people that don't pay their association fees. I swear I hear rat noises from the dumpster the other night. It sounded like birds... but it wasn't. I spend my days plotting .....

It's gray, foggy, cold and blaaa. I might buy a lottery tix today.

Squalor

ugh... I want to move desperately.

DESPERATELY

This is the area outside of my building. The fence is jacked up, there is trash not IN the dumpster but around it. People leave furniture, mattresses, crap, small children there.

Kidding about the small children, had to make sure you were paying attention. But seriously, it's a crap hole. I am hoping and praying I can move the f out.

I'm also hoping that jack wad Ed spontaneously combust and that I win the lottery (a big one). finger crossed.

so long crapberry!

Yay!!! finally, I'm coming out of the dark ages. My HTC Driod is en route, as I type. I can quit using this phone. While it was working okay, lately - like the last 2-3 weeks, I've had to charge the phone at a 4o degree angle and apply pressure to the upper right hand side for it to actually charge.

This is no way for someone to live. It's sad.

I contemplated holding a telethon, with proceeds going to a kick ass phone and shoes for my rainy day fund. I'm sooo happy. I don't think I've been this happy since I scored my Miu Miu ballet flats last year. Guess who is going to be updating the shit out of their blog? Oh yeah. ... I'd like to say that I've learned something good or Buddhist during my time without the camera phone, you know reflect on mankind's humanity and decided that I will no longer engage in the embarassing moments of others.... but nay. Here's my lesson:
Life is short, do what makes you happy.
While money can not buy happiness, it CAN buy things that make you happy.
Commenting on whacked out 'situations' and venting, makes me pretty darn happy.

better hide your kids, hide your wife.. hide your kids, hide your wife...

Reprieve...dang

so.. it appears that God loves fat metalheads too. in the midst of my drunken stuphor blogging a few weeks ago... my phone fell into my beverage.

it died.

I was all "NOooooo, dear god WHY. Take ME.... no... TAKE HIM" - pointing to random strangers... so... I've been dealing. The temp phone only allows me to receive emails, NO camera, NO instant FBing or Blogging. It is so sad. I feel like I'm in the Dark Ages. I mean it's a bit obvious now if I whip out my camera and take pictures... then I have to upload it and type in an entry. Ugh. My brain hurts.

I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and hate everyone equally. It's the right thing to do. Till then I will suffer with my lame ass 3g slow as snails phone. How in the hell did humans manage to survive prior to technology?

Truth is Stranger than Fiction

seriously, you can't make this crap up. This dude, Jarrod Wyatt, drank some wacky mushroom tea and ripped out the heart and eyes of his 21 year old friend. The guy bleed to death after his heart was ripped out of him - WHILE HE WAS ALIVE!! Holy Crap. I shudder to think about this guys last moments. EEWWWW

Now let's access the prepetrator...
1. His name is Jarrod
2. His last name is Wyatt
3. Don't most serial killers have Wyatt or Wayne in their names?
4. What's up with the whacked out hairdo? Please tell me this picture was taken AFTER the mushroom incident because there is NO excuse to walk around looking like this. I mean he should be incarcerated on the fashion crime alone. GUILTY.

Anyways, to read more about this story go to the below link. Oh yeah... one more thing. EWWwwwww......



http://msn.foxsports.com/boxing/story/MMA-fighter-Jarrod-Wyatt-eyes-heart-murder-charge-052610

What have we become

Calling a bit of humanity.... Look I know I'm not the best person to sit on a high horse and talk about how we can become better people. Truth be known, I 'try' to be a good person, the blog is my venue to vent over the ridiculousness of people and situations.

That said, I was blown away to hear about the story of a passerbyer pushing a suicidal person off a bridge. I mean... sometimes you see things and you set up the scenario in 'your head' of what we'd do... but never really doing such things. Most people keep things inside - use their inner voice but you have to take a step back when we as a group start to cross the line.... geez.

You had to be there

The lady in the bikini had a rockin body however she wore a white bikini with a pad! A pad! What the what the? You can't see it in the picture but it was BAD! Why would someone do that?

Ad huh what?

I seriously wonder if the ad agency was smoking crack cause I have no idea what the hell this means. . .

• is it riduculously refreshing?
• and if so, why is it ridiculous?
• shouldn't it be refreshing?
• what does Ludicris have to do with this ad?
• is the ad ludicrous?

Stoopid!

Hell in a handbasket

It seems like things are going:

d
o
w
n.....

Crap. Interesting times we live in. I feel bad for the elderly and people on fixed income.

I've got 80 more years to work until I retire. (and by retire I mean die because there will no longer be retirement for my generation) In fact, I may need to consider whether I want kids, initially my stand has been 'Nay'. However, kids does equal indentured servants and place where I can watch QVC and have my grandkids steal money out of my purse. A place I can lie my cane and torment loved ones, and most importantly guilt into caring for me forever and ever.

Crumbs. I wasn't intending on procreating but since there will be no social security and my 401k has sponteneaously combusted I may need to reconsider. This sucks. It will be interesting to see what will happen the next year or so. I'm thinking things won't get better until 3rd or 4th quarter next year. What would be neat to track is the increase of crime and suicide rate. Not everybody has the capability to overcome hardships.

A great side effect is that people will develop a better understanding of living within their means and become economically savvy. It's a tough lesson but in the end so many people will benefit.