Windshield curse

Holy Fuck!  I am cursed.  Third time a rock has hit my windshield and cracked it in a year.

Let's think about those odds.
Of all the people in the DMV, that drive to work about 2 hours a days approximately 192 days a year.  Or 384 hours a year or around 16 solid days of my life per year.....  and I'm the lucky mother fucker that gets a broken windshield..... not once, but THREE times.

Really, can't we just transfer a portion of that craptastic luck over to winning the lottery or something?  I could really do some evi.. "good" with that money and save small animals and orphan shoes.

DC has the worst traffic

It's true.  Perhaps it's not the worst in the nation but its up there.  See..... And some studies have said the DC commute is the worst.

I was driving home today and I swear every student driver and their 80 year old grandmother was out driving.  On top of that, everyone in the DMV decided it would be a great time to hit the road at the same time so there was bumper to bumper traffic on the beltway for a solid ass 40 minutes no joke and there wasn't a broken down car or accident in sight.

I almost flipped the fuck out.  Really.  If I'm sitting in traffic that ain't moving, on a road with no stop light there better be a good ass reason.  I'm talking a circus parade or some shit.  On the bright side, at least it was going home and not going to work.

Fairy tales

1.  Maybe the Evil Queen wasn't so evil.
2.  Maybe Snow White was a little hussy delinquent that got in all kinda of trouble and did all sorts of unsavory things. (She hangs out in the woods with 7 men, 'talks' to animals...  for all you know she was eating wild mushrooms)
3.  What if Snow White killed her mother and perhaps her dad was a love blinded fool (I mean he married the evil queen).
4.  What if the Queen was trying to be a responsible role model, teach her about properly fitting into society and Snow White was a spoiled ego centric entitled a-hole?

I think truth is stranger than fiction.  And that a new version of the story needs to be told.  Don't even get me started on Hansel and Gretel trespassing committing B&E to that little old lady that wanted to be left alone.  Assholes.

der pression

I can't tell if it's the winter time blues, economy or general BLAAness overall but I think I'm depressed.  It's pretty normal to get the blues, I've gone in and out of funks before but it's been a good two months now and I'm generally funky around the holidays for obvious reasons.  So it's been a while and it's getting on my nerves.  Thinking about it depresses me... damn.

So... how to know if you are depressed:
1. haven't gone shopping.
2. diminished desire to go shopping
3. wanton lack of giving a shit
4. only creative outlet is coming up with new ways to wear pajamas in public
5. crap ton of sleeping
6. diminished desire to bitch slap people
7. haven't gone shopping
8. avoiding mirrors due to items 3. & 4.

sucks.  even my desire to plot has ceased & desisted.

the only consolation is that alot of people seem to be going through the same funk.  maybe it's a virus like the flu.  stupid. flu grumpy ...  I want summer to come and to win the lottery (a big one not some bs small penny slot jackpot either).

MotherTrucker Santa

I don't know if it's karma, somebody with a whacked sense of humor or just my shitty luck but as I was commuting in today, a rock hit my windshield.

and it dented it.

like the width of my pinky finger.

not cool Santa Claus.  Not freaking cool. I highly suggest getting on the do not call list cause once I track down your address you may find a bag on fire at your front door.

Beat Carries on

I wish I could say that this week is getting better.  That I ran into Johnny Depp at 7-11 and he asked me to marry him.  But nay.

I have been busy off the chain and continue to get nastygrams from clients.  Last I checked I don't have a latex suit and a red ball in my mouth so I really don't know what the F is up with this shit.  Seriously, I just sent a note to a client thanking them, telling them to have a nice day and that we looked forward to hearing from them... after they bitch slapped me.  It's my passive aggressive way of telling them to simmer down.

Good thing is that I'm losing weight.
Bad thing is because I'm too f'ing busy to take a lunch.

Don't get me wrong, if I deserve a bitch slap I'm straight up about it. But this is some BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLL  SHIT.

top of the morning to ya

if the top was a big flaming turd.

seriously? is today really going to start out like this? Ever have a day that you know you should've stayed in bed for? I mean a case of the runs would be better than this.

DEAR GOD PUHLEEZE LET ME WIN THE LOTTERY, I"D BE DOWN WITH ONLY 1 MILLION DOLLARS.

thisissomebullshit.com

FML

Life at the 500 just gets better and better.

Got my crib appraised... I can put it on the market for a whopping $59,000.









I bought it for $205k.
Mother TRUCKER!!!!!