Old school memory at the asylum

Remember when you were a kid and popped off to your dad and you came home drunk and high and cops had to be called and you went for an emergency psych eval then three days later was chilling with your pops talking about how you should go snowboarding (courtesy of someone else since you haven't had a job for a year)?

Yeah, I don't remember that either cause if that were me I would've had my ass beat and would be living on the streets. I suspect you might have had the same experience.

I am living on Main Street in Crazytown.  This is some bullshit. I swear when I read this it sounds like some crazy sci fi shit, it can't possibly be real.  But it is.

Windshield curse

Holy Fuck!  I am cursed.  Third time a rock has hit my windshield and cracked it in a year.

Let's think about those odds.
Of all the people in the DMV, that drive to work about 2 hours a days approximately 192 days a year.  Or 384 hours a year or around 16 solid days of my life per year.....  and I'm the lucky mother fucker that gets a broken windshield..... not once, but THREE times.

Really, can't we just transfer a portion of that craptastic luck over to winning the lottery or something?  I could really do some evi.. "good" with that money and save small animals and orphan shoes.

Snowden, you flaming piece of shit

I hate you and would be willing to stand in line and not sleep for a couple days (like I was waiting for a concert) to have the chance to kick you in the kidneys and see you pee blood.

Especially now that you are in Russia.  Hey, Putin, funny how a few hours ago your PR people were indignant about the US saying that Snowden was there and Russia was denying it.  Because god forbid relations with you guys get any worse (Pot, Kettle black....)

assholes. 

Speaking of, check out the quote from Putin:

Noting the United States and Russia do not have an extradition agreement, Putin said Snowden can't be turned over to U.S. authorities and has committed no crimes on Russian soil.

But he also said Russian security forces have not been "working with" Snowden and expressed hope that the incident would not "affect the cordial nature of our relations with the U.S."

That's a first, I didn't know the relationship with our countries were considered cordial.  I mean the US worked with Russia about a month ago with the Boston bombing.  But Russian authorities aren't willing to extradite Snowden... I wonder if it has anything to do with any secret information he divulged or the fact that our countries are friendemies.  That shit is more blatant than the fake ass wig Amanda Byrnes wears.

Regardless, this situation is bullshit.  This guy is a chuckle head, he's like a big dumbass kid that is starving for attention.  Now he's saying that he fully intended to gather and disclose information from the get go.  He's also communicating with Julian Assange (Wikileaks founder) who is in an Ecuadorian embassy in London to avoid extradition on sexual charges.  Two weaselling assholes chalk full of delusion.  They should share a cell together.  I hope they both die a slow, painful itchy in the underparts death. 

Traitors

Today's rant is fueled by PMS and my disdain for Edward Snowden, the NSA leaker, national traitor and delusional extraordinaire.

I get being idealistic, young and foolish - to a degree.  Go work at a CO-OP, join the Peace Corp or go to Lalapalooza.... .  But don't put national security at risk.   Especially for citizens of the fine fucking country that your family/friends currently reside in.  Yes, the very country that you grew up in, that gave you the opportunity to make something of yourself and provide you with a podium to rant about freedom of speech.  NOTE:  It's ironic that he is leaking information in a foreign country that monitors their citizens internet, phone calls and movement (Hong Kong/China) and is willing to entertain discussions with Russia and other 3rd world countries that DO NOT have freedom of fucking speech.

asshole.

As far as I'm concerned, Snowden is a traitor and fit to be tied and quartered.  I look forward to authorities finding his corpse in an alley.

Crazy killer shit

There is truth in old sayings like "truth is stranger than fiction" case in point, story about a chef that is on trial for murdering his wife and boiling her body for days until the only think that remained was her skull.  I mean, holy SHIT!

I can't fathom killing someone... wait.  I can't fathom actually going through with killing someone none the less disposing of their remains.  Murder is a messy business my friends.  That takes commitment and EWWWWWwww.  How can this guys sleep at night?  WOW.

Muah.. human kind is going down

Okay, so I haven't written in a minute, been all mad crazy busy.  I'm pleased to say that I didn't commit any homicides, I had my doubts but then school started back up.  And now everyone is ok.  Yay!

Anyways, do you remember the Eddie Murphy song about Booty in the Butt?  As luck would have it, maybe this criminal liked that song a little TOO much.  Check it, this fool got busted burglarizing a place and was found naked with a Computer Mouse up da Butt.

EWWwwww.  EW, I say.  His mother must be sooo proud.  Muah haha

Ha, and this dude found out his lady love was HIV Positive, instead of figuring out the next steps for both of them.  This guys was all HELL'S NO, you ain't getting No Sympathy.  He stabbed her dead.  Wow, I mean, I know you are all upset and stuff but damn dude, prison healthcare isn't the best.  Now you are STUCK.

Brain FREEEEZE

what the fuck is up with this!  (see image)  what is this you say, well it's about a 1/4 teaspoon of ice cream in a gallon container - THAT WAS LEFT IN THE FREEZER.

when I asked one of the possible culprits if this was their handy work, the assailant confessed and said that they were going to eat the rest later.  UMmmm.. to say that this is a tablespoon of ice cream is pushing it.  I mean, really?  I got to tell you, I'm SOOO scared about the future of America.  I am sure this seems petty to some but it's simply indicative of complete thoughtlessness.  plus it's a little rude.

when you wonder why I'm stashing snacks and stuff over neighbors houses, I implore you to look at the above pic.

huuuc... (that's the sound of throwing up)

yeah.. so.. two articles prompted today's reaction.  What the hell is wrong with people?!  The pictures so do the articles justice, you should click on it.  But I must warn you... you may die a little on the inside, after you read the articles.

Whack Ass Bootycheeks

Tanorexic Mom child abuse

1st day, last day

This morning my co-worker and I walked onto the elevator to a disshevelled woman kinda murmuring and whining in the the corner by the buttons..

I gave my co-worker "that look" which said "what the fuck did we just walk into?" I proceeded to use my key card and pressed the appropriate button, then ask crazy pants if she was ok. She said that it was her first day at work and she was late and she was freaking cause she needed to be on the 3rd floor and needed to go to the 1st floor for the concierge to give her access. (disclaimer: I gleaned this information from her because she was a hot mess and talking fast and kinda crazy)

When we stopped on the 1st (lobby) floor she ran out, limbs flailing - I swear. A normal human being (an older gentlemen wearing work appropriate clothes) got on and we went up the elevator in a merry way. So I said... "Hhhhmm, I doubt the 2 minute elevator diversion is going to be her undoing, I suspect her first day will be her last..." My co-worker laughed and agreed. The gentleman, nodded and smiled.

I seriously wanted to go to the third floor and tell them to call the temp agency STAT and tell them they made an error and didn't need the manpower. I mean this chick was reverberating crazy vibe. I had to hold myself back from shaking and slapping her ala "Get a hold of yourself woman!!".

* As an FYI the following day, I made it a point to come into the office at a different time because I didn't want to run into Capt. Cuckoo Clock.

Limbaugh, limp alright...

Hey, I call it like I see it. And how I see it is Rush Limbaugh is a sad misogynist and is desperate for attention and publicity. Guess I'd be a grumpy a hole if I didn't have sex for twenty years. Bitter... oh so bitter.

Hint:
you are a d bag and nobody likes you.
your chances of getting pooty tang has been diminished because you are a tool, perhaps if you pay someone you might score
only losers pick on girls
also, you have no input as you don't have a vagina

FML

Life at the 500 just gets better and better.

Got my crib appraised... I can put it on the market for a whopping $59,000.









I bought it for $205k.
Mother TRUCKER!!!!!

Special Place in Hell

I'm confidant that there is a higher power and a mysterious order to this Chaos (of life). What I truely think is that some people are inherently stoopid, evil, and deranged and that those fools deserve a special place in hell.

Not the circle in Dante's Inferno that will likely house me and some of my wickedly funny friends - the intoxicated, soiree where there will be a glass wall of Jimmy Choos and Louboutin shoes and desserts.... for the taking (that we won't be able to break).

Oh.. no. There has to be a special place where people will suffer the same fate they've inflicted on others... say the skinning alive zone for the idiot folks from Oklahoma (*you have no idea how hard it is for me not to jibe the entire state*) that skinned. YES, skinned a puppy. Who the hell would do that? These fools

I really think the government should consider an open house so people could pay an admission fee to either: kick, punch, dunk, throw rotten eggs, debase, throw anything, shoot paintballs at... idiots like those guys. Imagine how much money prisions would make? I simply don't see how people that perform such heinous acts could ever be helpful members of society. I can't even imagine 'imagining' what they did none the less performing it. Yeah.. I think I'm on to something with the humiliation and public punishment charge.