I wanna live

yeah.... in case I needed additional fodder for my "do not fly to list", this article pretty much sealed the deal on Honduras.

Mexico has been on the list for years - you know with the decapitations and kidnappings.

I think it's a solid idea to say that any country on the Dept of State "Do Not Travel List" and possible areas around said countries are automatically included in my poo poo to you list.  Honestly, any place that requires Kidnapping Insurance sucks.

Snowden, you flaming piece of shit

I hate you and would be willing to stand in line and not sleep for a couple days (like I was waiting for a concert) to have the chance to kick you in the kidneys and see you pee blood.

Especially now that you are in Russia.  Hey, Putin, funny how a few hours ago your PR people were indignant about the US saying that Snowden was there and Russia was denying it.  Because god forbid relations with you guys get any worse (Pot, Kettle black....)

assholes. 

Speaking of, check out the quote from Putin:

Noting the United States and Russia do not have an extradition agreement, Putin said Snowden can't be turned over to U.S. authorities and has committed no crimes on Russian soil.

But he also said Russian security forces have not been "working with" Snowden and expressed hope that the incident would not "affect the cordial nature of our relations with the U.S."

That's a first, I didn't know the relationship with our countries were considered cordial.  I mean the US worked with Russia about a month ago with the Boston bombing.  But Russian authorities aren't willing to extradite Snowden... I wonder if it has anything to do with any secret information he divulged or the fact that our countries are friendemies.  That shit is more blatant than the fake ass wig Amanda Byrnes wears.

Regardless, this situation is bullshit.  This guy is a chuckle head, he's like a big dumbass kid that is starving for attention.  Now he's saying that he fully intended to gather and disclose information from the get go.  He's also communicating with Julian Assange (Wikileaks founder) who is in an Ecuadorian embassy in London to avoid extradition on sexual charges.  Two weaselling assholes chalk full of delusion.  They should share a cell together.  I hope they both die a slow, painful itchy in the underparts death. 

Fairy tales

1.  Maybe the Evil Queen wasn't so evil.
2.  Maybe Snow White was a little hussy delinquent that got in all kinda of trouble and did all sorts of unsavory things. (She hangs out in the woods with 7 men, 'talks' to animals...  for all you know she was eating wild mushrooms)
3.  What if Snow White killed her mother and perhaps her dad was a love blinded fool (I mean he married the evil queen).
4.  What if the Queen was trying to be a responsible role model, teach her about properly fitting into society and Snow White was a spoiled ego centric entitled a-hole?

I think truth is stranger than fiction.  And that a new version of the story needs to be told.  Don't even get me started on Hansel and Gretel trespassing committing B&E to that little old lady that wanted to be left alone.  Assholes.

Hey Bitches.. it's Friday & it's April.... when did that happen??!

Seriously, it's nearly tax day and I could've sworn that the year just began.

Honestly... I may have just vacuumed the house from the last hoorah.  Regardless, we are nearly 1/3 of the way through the year!!  How does that happen?  I think I was sober but alas.

So tell me, how are your new year's resolutions coming along?

Mine is good - I kept it base and simple (so I won't be sorely disappointed at the end of the year).  "Have not been arrested for assaulting anyone".  Yay! me, operation aim low - score high wins again.

AND I found my best friend.

Deadlocked - Charlaine Harris f'ed me

I'm a bit of a bibliophile.  I love books, reading them, listening to them, even going to a bookstore.   It saddens me that bookstores are fast becoming unicorns... oh so rare.

That said, I finally caught up on the last Charlaine Harris Sookie Stackhouse series novel and I gotta say, I'm bitterly dissapointed.  It may not take much to dissappoint me but this book really made me sad.  I've diligently read all the books (save two that I listened to), and I love love love the HBO series (eventhough it verved a bit off course) but the last book DEADLOCKED f'ing sucked.  It was soooo redundant.  I mean it's the 12th book in the series, I know the characters.  I KNOW the damn characters for GAWD sakes!!!  You DON'T need to tell me 12 times.  I'm not drunk or slow.  Okay.. I'm not drunk... right now.  And there was barely any sexy time in the book.  like NADA!!   Sookie can't make up her damn mind on who she wants to get with: Eric, Bill, Sam.  WTF.  There was no passion and barely a storyline.  Just a bunch of fodder. 

Maybe if I were drunk while listening to this, it would've been less painful.

If you are considering reading or listening to this book, read this review first because you will never get those hours back and I love you too much to say I told you so.

I'm listening to Real Murders by Charlaine Harris, I hope this will rectify the gaping hole in my heart.  I really hate it when you begin to hate something you loved sooo much like the time I ate four whole packages of Peeps and got nauseous... but that's another story.

MotherTrucker Santa

I don't know if it's karma, somebody with a whacked sense of humor or just my shitty luck but as I was commuting in today, a rock hit my windshield.

and it dented it.

like the width of my pinky finger.

not cool Santa Claus.  Not freaking cool. I highly suggest getting on the do not call list cause once I track down your address you may find a bag on fire at your front door.

Full Moon or what!?

Today's a pretty freaking ridiculous day.  I mean it's barely halfway over, but it's been non stop crazy work emails.  I'm on the cusp of strangling a client.   seriously.

Must control desire to kill.

so hard

I think I will go to 7-11 and score some lottery tickets cause this is some bullshit.  I haven't wanted to whoop someone's ass like this in a long time (okay, workwise.. haha).

In the meantime I heard on the news that New Orleans is rated number 1, for singles for flirting.  Now, I'm no sociologist.... but do you think they took out the variant of ALCOHOL?  Hello!  It's called liquid courage for a reason.  dumb dumbs.

Slap me silly with a wet sock

Okay... I just got to know, who the hell are these bitches that are buying these socks?  (especially the dumb ones paying full price) and why aren't they dating me?

Oh wait... it's cause I'm poor.  and have common sense.

Dear Reader,

Should I inherit a crap ton of money, or win the lottery if I EVER do something this stupid, you can slap me with a wet sock.

Yours Truly,
Fifi

peace out

I'm out! Fingers crossed on May 30th.

1st day, last day

This morning my co-worker and I walked onto the elevator to a disshevelled woman kinda murmuring and whining in the the corner by the buttons..

I gave my co-worker "that look" which said "what the fuck did we just walk into?" I proceeded to use my key card and pressed the appropriate button, then ask crazy pants if she was ok. She said that it was her first day at work and she was late and she was freaking cause she needed to be on the 3rd floor and needed to go to the 1st floor for the concierge to give her access. (disclaimer: I gleaned this information from her because she was a hot mess and talking fast and kinda crazy)

When we stopped on the 1st (lobby) floor she ran out, limbs flailing - I swear. A normal human being (an older gentlemen wearing work appropriate clothes) got on and we went up the elevator in a merry way. So I said... "Hhhhmm, I doubt the 2 minute elevator diversion is going to be her undoing, I suspect her first day will be her last..." My co-worker laughed and agreed. The gentleman, nodded and smiled.

I seriously wanted to go to the third floor and tell them to call the temp agency STAT and tell them they made an error and didn't need the manpower. I mean this chick was reverberating crazy vibe. I had to hold myself back from shaking and slapping her ala "Get a hold of yourself woman!!".

* As an FYI the following day, I made it a point to come into the office at a different time because I didn't want to run into Capt. Cuckoo Clock.

it all makes sense

girl time. I'm all crampy and I wanna slap someone.

who's feeling bitchtastic?

*raises hand