Fairy tales

1.  Maybe the Evil Queen wasn't so evil.
2.  Maybe Snow White was a little hussy delinquent that got in all kinda of trouble and did all sorts of unsavory things. (She hangs out in the woods with 7 men, 'talks' to animals...  for all you know she was eating wild mushrooms)
3.  What if Snow White killed her mother and perhaps her dad was a love blinded fool (I mean he married the evil queen).
4.  What if the Queen was trying to be a responsible role model, teach her about properly fitting into society and Snow White was a spoiled ego centric entitled a-hole?

I think truth is stranger than fiction.  And that a new version of the story needs to be told.  Don't even get me started on Hansel and Gretel trespassing committing B&E to that little old lady that wanted to be left alone.  Assholes.

Traitors

Today's rant is fueled by PMS and my disdain for Edward Snowden, the NSA leaker, national traitor and delusional extraordinaire.

I get being idealistic, young and foolish - to a degree.  Go work at a CO-OP, join the Peace Corp or go to Lalapalooza.... .  But don't put national security at risk.   Especially for citizens of the fine fucking country that your family/friends currently reside in.  Yes, the very country that you grew up in, that gave you the opportunity to make something of yourself and provide you with a podium to rant about freedom of speech.  NOTE:  It's ironic that he is leaking information in a foreign country that monitors their citizens internet, phone calls and movement (Hong Kong/China) and is willing to entertain discussions with Russia and other 3rd world countries that DO NOT have freedom of fucking speech.

asshole.

As far as I'm concerned, Snowden is a traitor and fit to be tied and quartered.  I look forward to authorities finding his corpse in an alley.

If only the legal system worked this way

Wacky things have been all over the news lately, like the Carnival Cruise poopaster...err disaster.  Or the double amputee speedracer that murdered his model girlfriend?  Um...you are going to wish you were with her when you get to prison.... cause you are cute and can't run no where. 

Damn.  I went there.

But holy smokes, what about the jackwad that slapped a two year old on a plane??!!  And it wasn't his kid?!!!  WTF, America?  Who does this?  I wish we could sue people's parents, this guy is f*cked up and I just cannot believe there were no warning signs.  A racist bully sociopath that what he is.  I've been on planes and there is that little cringe when crying babies get on them.. but you know what?  They are babies/children.  Plane trips are scary to kids and adults in general, all those people and it's a little chaotic.  Don't even get me started on that ear popping issue - which a baby or little kids wouldn't even know how to do (to release the tension) and gawd forbid if the little person has an ear infection or is sick.

It's a big to do for big and little people.

You don't go around slapping people, ESPECIALLY not kids and ESPECIALLY strangers kids.  Holy shit, imagine if you could slap people, it would be mass chaos.

Hardships come with life, but you don't assault children.  How that hell did this guy get a managerial position?  I'm glad there is major backlash and he got fired.  He will be forever humiliated.  I wish I could slap him.

Rinse and Repeat

Trying not to hurt people.

But I wonder how many times must one make a request over and over again until they can shove their foot up someone's ass? 

It's nothing big, a simple request like pick up your mess, put dishes in dishwasher, flush the toilet when you are done using it.  No, I'm not talking to toddlers, contrary to popular belief I do not sacrifice them to appease the old gods or look young.  I actually like kids.  well behaved kids.
and adults.

but alas.  nothing is perfect.  So I teeter on the brink of homicide and plaster on my best 'sleep with one eye open' smile.

Karma Police

This morning while parking my car for work I noticed a truck that was parked in the middle of two parking spaces. Kinda like this..........

but not half as crappy as this

I mean seriously, what the hell. I really wonder about people. Did they wake up and say "I want to be an asshole today", "Today feels like a good day for someone to scratch fuck you into my car", or "I hope my tires get slashed today". Nobody wants to be 'that' guy. And if you do, you're an asshole.

I wish I could right the wrongs of the world one petty vindictive act at a time.

no habla espanol, motherlicker!

I'm in a bit of a quandry, seems that being multiethnic has many perks:
kick ass food
funky name
fun possible places to visit
did I mention food? mmm......
exotic looks

It's the last item which is delightful but can be problematic. For instance, say a person looked latina but was not. Imagine the frustration, if you will, of getting asked or spoken to in spanish once a week almost everyweek of your adult life? Imagine again, if you went to latin restuarants and people thinking you are the same ethnic group, saw you with a 'foreigner' and gave you the 'she thinks she's better than us' stink eye. Perhaps making you wait longer or ignoring you... How about being hit on all the damn time by that same group? Which the 'said person' wouldn't mind if they were hotties.... but nay. I get all the 4'2" motherlickers....

NAY, I say.

I guess the most annoying part is when I say that I'm not latin, and identify my ethnicity and people still ask me if I'm sure. I mean, what the F! Are you inquiring if my mother was a whore? hmmm... That I'm an orphaned vagabond that never met my parents? These are the moments I wish I could slap people. I think it would be justified.

the end.

Death and Mayhem

Okay, it's mostly death and not so much mayhem.

This week has been spent revealing in my new phone and in an epic battle between good and bad. Me being good. Mice being bad. I have a mice problem, it just started last year when we foolishly cancelled the exterminator contract because my condo association is broke ass poor. But that's a WHOLE other story. Anyways, I've been killing mice in swordfights, and traps. I thought things were going swell as I've been obsessively cleaning my place, throwing recycled and trash out every damn day, that is until last night when I saw the turd-lettes of a big fat mouse..... on my STOVE. I was like "Oh HELLLL's NO!" So I loaded up the snap trap with peanut butter, placed it 'just so' lightly on the stove top and sprayed olive oil on the trap. My boyfriend shook his head and alluded to me going insane. But NAY, I knew in my heart of hearts that I would have the last laugh because as fat ass Hainesworth (that's the mouse's name cause like the sorry ass Redskin's player, he's fat and full of shit) came in the night, went for the peanut butter he'd go - oops... whoops.... slippity slip slip... SNAP! and meet his demise.

I, of course, said "you just wait and see".

Well, low and behold, as I did my morning routinue and glanced on the stove - (the heavens opened up) I noticed that "I done killed me a vermit"! I yelled out "oh yeah" and requested my boyfriend to reveal in my glory. He was slightly appalled but I suspect in my blood glory I was kinda sexy cause he knew that he too would meet his demise if he didn't do my bidding.


I knew my trickery worked because little fatty Hainesworth was lying in the trap, caught by his snout - he apparently slipped and went KABOOM! I know that this is not over, it's mearly one battle in an epic war but these little fuckers need to know that I am not the one. I think I will change my title to the great annihilator.

I'm feeling good.

Better now...

Well, the citizens of sketchyville have left the building, my building that is. I'm content for now. I hope the next residents are more mindful and respectful.

However, as I am one for prepardness, I bought pepper spray, whistle and a taser. I pity the fool.

seriously..