Slap me silly with a wet sock

Okay... I just got to know, who the hell are these bitches that are buying these socks?  (especially the dumb ones paying full price) and why aren't they dating me?

Oh wait... it's cause I'm poor.  and have common sense.

Dear Reader,

Should I inherit a crap ton of money, or win the lottery if I EVER do something this stupid, you can slap me with a wet sock.

Yours Truly,
Fifi