Death and Mayhem

Okay, it's mostly death and not so much mayhem.

This week has been spent revealing in my new phone and in an epic battle between good and bad. Me being good. Mice being bad. I have a mice problem, it just started last year when we foolishly cancelled the exterminator contract because my condo association is broke ass poor. But that's a WHOLE other story. Anyways, I've been killing mice in swordfights, and traps. I thought things were going swell as I've been obsessively cleaning my place, throwing recycled and trash out every damn day, that is until last night when I saw the turd-lettes of a big fat mouse..... on my STOVE. I was like "Oh HELLLL's NO!" So I loaded up the snap trap with peanut butter, placed it 'just so' lightly on the stove top and sprayed olive oil on the trap. My boyfriend shook his head and alluded to me going insane. But NAY, I knew in my heart of hearts that I would have the last laugh because as fat ass Hainesworth (that's the mouse's name cause like the sorry ass Redskin's player, he's fat and full of shit) came in the night, went for the peanut butter he'd go - oops... whoops.... slippity slip slip... SNAP! and meet his demise.

I, of course, said "you just wait and see".

Well, low and behold, as I did my morning routinue and glanced on the stove - (the heavens opened up) I noticed that "I done killed me a vermit"! I yelled out "oh yeah" and requested my boyfriend to reveal in my glory. He was slightly appalled but I suspect in my blood glory I was kinda sexy cause he knew that he too would meet his demise if he didn't do my bidding.


I knew my trickery worked because little fatty Hainesworth was lying in the trap, caught by his snout - he apparently slipped and went KABOOM! I know that this is not over, it's mearly one battle in an epic war but these little fuckers need to know that I am not the one. I think I will change my title to the great annihilator.

I'm feeling good.