no habla espanol, motherlicker!

I'm in a bit of a quandry, seems that being multiethnic has many perks:
kick ass food
funky name
fun possible places to visit
did I mention food? mmm......
exotic looks

It's the last item which is delightful but can be problematic. For instance, say a person looked latina but was not. Imagine the frustration, if you will, of getting asked or spoken to in spanish once a week almost everyweek of your adult life? Imagine again, if you went to latin restuarants and people thinking you are the same ethnic group, saw you with a 'foreigner' and gave you the 'she thinks she's better than us' stink eye. Perhaps making you wait longer or ignoring you... How about being hit on all the damn time by that same group? Which the 'said person' wouldn't mind if they were hotties.... but nay. I get all the 4'2" motherlickers....

NAY, I say.

I guess the most annoying part is when I say that I'm not latin, and identify my ethnicity and people still ask me if I'm sure. I mean, what the F! Are you inquiring if my mother was a whore? hmmm... That I'm an orphaned vagabond that never met my parents? These are the moments I wish I could slap people. I think it would be justified.

the end.

shop-a-holic

Some people have a problem. I have a gift that is also a curse. I get really really good deals. So while I will openly admit my penchant for shopping, it's the discounts that are my biggest downfall. Take my latest conquest for instance:



My evil bestie (she's not evil but we are trouble together) informed me of a super sale at Leifsdottir - kick ass brand from Anthropologie. As I reviewed the sale section I was taken by a number of lovely items at stellar prices. So much in fact that I spent a small fortune. But if I paid full price it would've been $1260+. I know I know.. it's a lot of money, but we are talking a nearly 70% savings. It would've been a 75% savings if I didn't get that damn jacket... but it's sooooo pretty.

I'm going to hide the credit cards and rationalize buying groceries..... but I will look great!

TMM's.....

What happens when you have 75 guests celebrating a 3 year old's birthday, alcohol, a baby's mama, a baby's daddy and mama's new boyfriend? Did I mention a hellalotta alcohol? Oh... and Ohio. You don't need to be Einstein to know that no good can come of this. NO GOOD, I say!!

Anyways to see Darwinism at work, and check out the pimp ass outfit on the school janitor (see pic below)- go to the link below. That shit is DOPE... seriously, how much is that guy getting paid?!  Janitors at my school wore uniforms or look busted.  This dude got the same outfit he wore on Friday night.  

And riddle me this... how the hell did this guy's shirt come off? I mean did he do a 'Hulk freak out' or something.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/09/28/ohio.birthday.brawl/index.html?iref=NS1

Marc Jacobs has a clown fetish

really...... I've been a follower of his work. I know he had a penchant for doing coke with his ex-husband, getting naked and doing benchpress(es). I can't even try to rationalize that but... seriously, now that you know... pay closer attention and you will realize he has some kind of deranged fetish with clowns. Case in point:

um hmmm..you need a stylist

Okay, even though I've sworn off all voluntary actions, I feel inclined to help the needy.

Often times I see people in dire need of advice, people crying out for attention, friendless or perhaps vampires (can't see themselves in mirrors) because that is the only explaination for some of the really really bad fashion I see on the streets.

Friends don't let friends embarass the shit out of you in public.

Case in point... this gentlemen above, I'm sure he's a very nice person, and I 'get' the look he was going for. However, it would've looked alot nicer if the sweater vest was less fitted and if he wore bigger pants. Not to mention he had a longer torso, his proportions are off and the look did nothing for him. He was walking with female co-workers to lunch... in public. You'd think his mommy or someone could have pulled him aside and told him not to wear that outfit. I felt sad and really wanted to talk to him, but alas, since I cherish my safety and was pretty damn hungry myself, I let this pass.

Death and Mayhem

Okay, it's mostly death and not so much mayhem.

This week has been spent revealing in my new phone and in an epic battle between good and bad. Me being good. Mice being bad. I have a mice problem, it just started last year when we foolishly cancelled the exterminator contract because my condo association is broke ass poor. But that's a WHOLE other story. Anyways, I've been killing mice in swordfights, and traps. I thought things were going swell as I've been obsessively cleaning my place, throwing recycled and trash out every damn day, that is until last night when I saw the turd-lettes of a big fat mouse..... on my STOVE. I was like "Oh HELLLL's NO!" So I loaded up the snap trap with peanut butter, placed it 'just so' lightly on the stove top and sprayed olive oil on the trap. My boyfriend shook his head and alluded to me going insane. But NAY, I knew in my heart of hearts that I would have the last laugh because as fat ass Hainesworth (that's the mouse's name cause like the sorry ass Redskin's player, he's fat and full of shit) came in the night, went for the peanut butter he'd go - oops... whoops.... slippity slip slip... SNAP! and meet his demise.

I, of course, said "you just wait and see".

Well, low and behold, as I did my morning routinue and glanced on the stove - (the heavens opened up) I noticed that "I done killed me a vermit"! I yelled out "oh yeah" and requested my boyfriend to reveal in my glory. He was slightly appalled but I suspect in my blood glory I was kinda sexy cause he knew that he too would meet his demise if he didn't do my bidding.


I knew my trickery worked because little fatty Hainesworth was lying in the trap, caught by his snout - he apparently slipped and went KABOOM! I know that this is not over, it's mearly one battle in an epic war but these little fuckers need to know that I am not the one. I think I will change my title to the great annihilator.

I'm feeling good.

so long crapberry!

Yay!!! finally, I'm coming out of the dark ages. My HTC Driod is en route, as I type. I can quit using this phone. While it was working okay, lately - like the last 2-3 weeks, I've had to charge the phone at a 4o degree angle and apply pressure to the upper right hand side for it to actually charge.

This is no way for someone to live. It's sad.

I contemplated holding a telethon, with proceeds going to a kick ass phone and shoes for my rainy day fund. I'm sooo happy. I don't think I've been this happy since I scored my Miu Miu ballet flats last year. Guess who is going to be updating the shit out of their blog? Oh yeah. ... I'd like to say that I've learned something good or Buddhist during my time without the camera phone, you know reflect on mankind's humanity and decided that I will no longer engage in the embarassing moments of others.... but nay. Here's my lesson:
Life is short, do what makes you happy.
While money can not buy happiness, it CAN buy things that make you happy.
Commenting on whacked out 'situations' and venting, makes me pretty darn happy.

better hide your kids, hide your wife.. hide your kids, hide your wife...