New Years resolution

That little heifer told me to suck her dick. Yep. Loud and proud in front of another adult in public, like she lost her mind.

So, I'm gonna keep it simple this year. Forget losing weight (ok, not exactly but it's on the back burner). Screw being a better person because that hasn't gotten me anywhere. Instead all I want to do is NOT go to jail. Seriously, this is my only resolution.

I hope I can make it....

Skin tone tights is a DON'T

This should be pretty self explanatory for obvious reasons:
1.  You will look buck ass naked
2.  Buck ass naked in public is a pretty bad idea for 98% of the population (author included)
3.  Skin tone tights show all sort of cottage cheese
4.  eWwwwee

Karma, what if it's a bunch of lies??!!

I've often wondered what if the whole concept of good vs evil, karma and bitches get their just desserts is a lie.

I mean what if that IS true?

I've witnessed many a messed up things and seen shitastic people succeed or jump ahead in life. I HAVE to think good people prevail and assholes get what's coming to them otherwise I'd be stabbing bitches and pick pocketing folks.

This is my long overdue tirade as I've witnessed a blessing to quite possibly one of the most ungrateful, spoiled, ignorant and kinda racist persons I've EVER met.  Instead of being humbled and appreciative they are convinced they are the bomb diggity.

The world needs another asshole like Donald Trump needs a nickel.

Awkward Holiday dinner avoided

if you were Liam Hemsworth's family!

I'm sure they are breathing a sigh of relief at the news of his and Miley Cyrus unengagement.  Can you imagine the conversation with his grandparents and her passing the gravy?  MUAHhahahah

I shudder to think.

no really, I shudder.  I mean.  Ewwwww.

Zombie Outbreak Vehicles

Holy mother trucker, on my way to work I saw a truck with stickers, neon green zombie blood and weapons.  I wished I stopped and took a picture, it was freakin awesome!!!

So I googled it and can't believe how many people trick out their cars.  It's crazy.

I wanna live

yeah.... in case I needed additional fodder for my "do not fly to list", this article pretty much sealed the deal on Honduras.

Mexico has been on the list for years - you know with the decapitations and kidnappings.

I think it's a solid idea to say that any country on the Dept of State "Do Not Travel List" and possible areas around said countries are automatically included in my poo poo to you list.  Honestly, any place that requires Kidnapping Insurance sucks.

Windshield curse

Holy Fuck!  I am cursed.  Third time a rock has hit my windshield and cracked it in a year.

Let's think about those odds.
Of all the people in the DMV, that drive to work about 2 hours a days approximately 192 days a year.  Or 384 hours a year or around 16 solid days of my life per year.....  and I'm the lucky mother fucker that gets a broken windshield..... not once, but THREE times.

Really, can't we just transfer a portion of that craptastic luck over to winning the lottery or something?  I could really do some evi.. "good" with that money and save small animals and orphan shoes.